Imposter syndrome is real. Not just in creative circles but with practically anything in life. Sometimes it is a blur from where does imposter syndrome end and anxiety/mental health negativity take over.

My self-doubts and self-sabotaging about being a good friend or human in general is clearly something other than imposter syndrome but the fear of sharing content is; Random doodles, blogs, working on pre-made projects, creative writing, deep discourse and so much more in the creative industry/hobby sphere.

Heck I even get nervous about reading certain books, listening to certain music, watching certain shows to broaden my horizons, influence me or to just enjoy because of fear of judgement for not conforming to a norm or fitting some sort of standard that I assume people expect from me.

So me creating “art” or doing anything creative in general and daring to share it or stick with it is mentally hard work. Why? It’s just for fun, just a hobby, if it ever became more than that amazing but that isn’t the aim. To me nobody should go into a creative industry or hobby expecting it to become a money maker or solely for that purpose; It is usually glaringly obvious to any audience if this is what is being attempted from the get go rather than it being something that has naturally developed as somebody has built connections with an audience.

I have this habit of wanting to be the best at everything I do. I built others up, praise them for everything they do, will cheerlead for them endlessly but for myself? Get that one sentence structure wrong, have a single hair out of place on a piece of art, don’t get my mascara perfectly matching, meet some self-inflicted deadline and it is the end of the world. It leaves me feeling I failed and that it just isn’t something I should be doing, even though they are things I used to do frequently, know that I am capable of doing and that nothing has to be perfect all of the time. The only way to get better, back to old standards or reach new heights is to push on and keep trying and doing something rather than giving up but that is so hard.

This post alone looks to fit into the ‘schedule’ of the site but it was written a day late and back-dated because of the pressure inflicted upon myself. The desire to keep up appearances of this put together person, be like the old me of having such a tight schedule and being able to pump out content whenever needed. My head telling me that if it isn’t there I will be judged and thought less of somehow despite keeping to the schedule for several months. As if it isn’t okay to have a day off or take a break? It is clearly better to try and push through something but if it becomes a real struggle to just step back and forgive myself for it.

The other day I procrastinated by doing what can only be described as the most ridiculous egg doodle thing ever. A little while ago I transformed a previously hand doodled tacocat into a digital thing. They are both terrible but it is stuff that I haven’t touched in years; To expect it to be perfect or to compare it to people that do commissions via social media or other sites is ridiculous. Over time perhaps these things will start to look ‘okay’ and the belief will come back to me but I shouldn’t let the fear of failure stop me from playing the game… and neither should you.

Have fun, do what makes you happy and perhaps over time it will become something more but you are in your own world, creating your own stuff and expressing yourself and whatever form it takes and however long that takes it is the doing that counts. You deserve to be in a hobby circle just as much as the next person and if you share something and somebody doesn’t like it don’t let that stop you in your tracks; This is about what you want to do and what you enjoy not fitting into some mold of a certain circle or having the same standards or approach as others. You do not need one million Instagram followers to be good at what you do; Some of the best ‘creators’ I see have 1000 followers that are all fully engaged and in many ways are more ‘successful’ (whatever the hell that means) than the ‘big hitters’.

Believe in yourself. Cheerlead and support others that you believe in. Try your best to shrug off the thoughts in your head or any external negativity. Just enjoy. Live your life. Be authentically you.